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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604415">She Darted Away Down the Stream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/choccy__o/pseuds/choccy__o'>choccy__o</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Sleepy Bois Inc, l'manberg - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Toby Smith | Tubbo, Baby Floris | Fundy, Floris | Fundy Deserves Better, Floris | Fundy-centric, Fox Hybrid Floris | Fundy, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Autistic Character, L'Manberg War of Independence on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Panic Attacks, Schizophrenia, Sensory Overload, Siblings, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Character, Trans Floris | Fundy, Trans Male Character, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Young Love, chapter number may increase, no beta we die like l'manberg, the functional family I wish I had, will add tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:13:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/choccy__o/pseuds/choccy__o</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>That was his duty, right? </p><p>To make sure everyone else was okay.</p><p>He simply couldn't afford to take into account his own emotions. </p><p>But on his walk, along the worn path back to the warm home he shared with his father and brothers, he couldn't help but to repeat the scene in his head until it hurt.<br/>-----<br/>Everything was falling apart in Wilbur's brain.<br/>-----<br/>or, Wilbur has an accident that changes his life.<br/>-----<br/>title from "ode to l'manberg" by the wonderful beetlebug!<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Floris | Fundy &amp; Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit, Niki | Nihachu &amp; Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; Wilbur Soot &amp; Technoblade &amp; TommyInnit &amp; Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot/Sally the Salmon, all are platonic except for wilbur and Sally :), and implied dnf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>262</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sally</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sally has something to tell Wilbur.<br/>Wilbur has something to tell Phil.<br/>And apparently, the universe has something against Wilbur.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first posted writing, but I'm insanely proud of it.</p><p>Notes for entire work:<br/>-mention of intimacy, no smut<br/>-teen pregnancy<br/>-gender dysphoria<br/>-non graphic death<br/>-loss/grief<br/>-emotional trauma<br/>-swearing</p><p>do not worry though! it is not as heavy as it seems from the warnings, most of these are briefly mentioned however I wanted to be careful :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she had revealed her news to him, Wilbur had tried his best to stay strong-he hugged her tight, and whispered gentle reassurances until she was calm enough to sleep and he had to go home.</p><p>That was his duty, right?</p><p>To make sure everyone else was okay.</p><p>He simply couldn't afford to take into account his own emotions.</p><p>But on his walk, along the worn path back to the warm home he shared with his father and brothers, he couldn't help but to repeat the scene in his head until it hurt.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
"I'm so sorry Will. We messed up." she had said, glittering tears welling up in her eyes and threatening to spill out.</p><p>He held her gently and rubbed his thumb along the back of her hand. She hadn't told him what was wrong yet, what had caused her to act so strangely for the past week or so.</p><p>"It's okay Sally. Whatever it is, I'm here for you."</p><p>She had taken a deep, grounding breath, and squeezed his hand one last time, before whispering those two words.</p><p>All sound had suddenly cut out, he was left in a haze, the only thing tangible being Sally's hand which was desperately squeezing his as he tried so hard to breathe, as she began to panic, as she rapidly apologized and began to speak in such a way that he snapped out of his trance to see her tear tracked face in the single most heartbreaking expression he had ever seen, as the rest of his senses popped back into hyperdrive, threatening to cause a sensory panic attack-</p><p>"-ay if you don't want to do this with me, you can leave me, you should leave me, I'm such a worthless fucking whor-"</p><p>But Sally needed him right now, so he could put on a brave face and comfort her.</p><p>He suddenly cut her off with a tight embrace, rubbing her back soothingly, as he was unable to form words, hoping that it would properly convey what he was feeling. She seemed to understand. The two remained this way for many moments, the shapeshifting teen eventually slowing down her sobs until she could breathe easy again.</p><p>Wilbur had so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to think through, but Sally came first, always.</p><p>So he simply hoped she knew how much he loved her.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Everything was falling apart in Wilbur's brain.</p><p>The panic had finally begun to set in, the previous sensory overload hitting him at full force as he approached his wooden porch and collapsed on the steps. Deep, shuddering breaths turned into panicked sobs, he couldn't slow down, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't see through the gray fog, he couldn't breathe-</p><p>Until a small, scared voice cut through the haze.</p><p>"Wil? Wilbur, are you okay?"</p><p>A hand was placed on his back, and he flinched away before looking up and seeing Tommy, feisty little Tommy, with a conflicted expression painting his face. Tommy's blue eyes met his own, and he backed away and went back inside.</p><p>Look at you pathetic little thing. You hurt her and now you've hurt him too. Great job. You fucking scared him away.</p><p>However, Wilbur heard the door open once again and buried his face in his knees, wishing Tommy would just leave.</p><p>"Will?"</p><p>Startled at the voice that was not Tommy, but Phil, Wilbur let out a panicked sob as he still struggled to get a single breath in.</p><p>Phil, recognizing the signs of this type of panic attack wisely didn't touch his son, opting to simply sit as close as he could get next to him. He coached him through the breathing exercises, until the sobs faded into soft hiccups, and Wilbur was grounded enough to be held. Upon contact, Wilbur buried his head in his father's chest, much like he would as a child, when he had a bad day. Deciding he needed to know what was going on, Phil began to speak.</p><p>"Will, can you tell me what happened?"</p><p>Wilbur whimpered and shook his head.</p><p>"Can I ask you yes or no questions?"</p><p>After a short hesitation, he softly nodded and moved his head to rest on Phil's shoulder.</p><p>"Is this about Sally?"</p><p>A sharp intake of breath, and clenched fists pressing so hard into palms that it may have drawn blood if Phil hadn't caught it and softly took his son's hands in his own. Then, a quick, imperceptible nod.</p><p>"Is she hurt?"</p><p>A shake no.</p><p>"Did you two have an argument?"</p><p>Once again, no. Wilbur could feel his heart beating louder than his shallow breaths.</p><p>Might as well rip off the bandage, he decided. The seventeen year old let go of Phil and scooted an inch away, before looking into the eyes of his father, taking a long, deep breath, and finally speaking with a surprisingly level voice.</p><p>"Promise you won't hate me."</p><p>"What? Will, I could never-"</p><p>"Sally's pregnant."</p><p>Phil continued to do what he does best: comfort his broken son. No matter what, Wilbur knew Phil would be there for him, and for Sally. Wilbur knew that he would be safe, and that Sally would be safe.</p><p>And so would their child.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
About four months later, Sally had received the results of the gender of their child. Of course, it ultimately didn't matter much to Wilbur, but having a tangible image of what his child would look like excited him to no end. The perfect little mix of him and his love, his Sally.</p><p>Sally, who already had a tenuous relationship with her parents, had been kicked out of her own home abruptly. This didn't affect her too harshly, the biggest downside was losing her carefully decorated room. (She could care less about the support of her parents. All that mattered to her now was Will and their child.)</p><p>The kind-hearted Phil of course took her in, and allowed the two future parents to share Wilbur's room, cleaning out the guest room next door to accommodate the new child. He would never tell, but some days he caught Wilbur and Sally simply sitting on the floor of the not yet decorated nursery, Wilbur's arms around her waist, drinking in the bliss of young love. It reminded him of many years ago.</p><p>At the present, Wilbur and Sally were sitting together on the couch in the family room surrounded by Phil, Techno, Tommy, Tubbo, and their excited smiles. Wilbur was overcome with pure gratefulness as his family supported him.</p><p>Wilbur turned to look at Sally, and the world narrowed and became just the two of them as she whispered "it's a girl!" The love shared through their gaze could be felt by the entire room. Wilbur smiled bigger than he ever had.</p><p>A daughter.</p><p>"It's about time we had another girl in this family!" Tubbo exclaimed, hugging Wilbur and Sally tightly.</p><p>"Remember when I was born and you guys thought I was a girl?" Tommy added.</p><p>"Fuckin' idiots! The only thing that's keeping me from asserting my dominance constantly is this stupid ass binder, I can't fuckin' breathe in it!"</p><p>"Tommy!" Tubbo scolded. "What if the baby can hear you right now?" He exclaimed, pointing at Sally's rounded stomach.</p><p>In the midst of the burst of energy, Techno, ever calm, stole a glance over at Phil, who was uncharacteristically quiet.</p><p>And no, Phil was not starting to tear up over his first grandchild.</p><p>(If you asked Tubbo or Tommy, they would confirm he did indeed cry. Techno, always one to defend his father, would deny this.)<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
About a month later, it was finally settling in Wilbur's mind that he was going to have a daughter soon. Sally was visibly with child, a very healthy child according to the village nurses. A daughter, who Wilbur imagined to have Sally's beautiful copper hair and bright smile.</p><p>But now that it was real, now that he could look over at Sally at any given moment and see the physical evidence of the growing child, he was conflicted. Not over the child itself- of course he would be there to support his child because although she wasn't even born yet, he would give his life for her a thousand times over.</p><p>The thing he was conflicted with was not the child itself, or even his relationship with Sally.</p><p>He was doubtful of his own ability to raise an entire person. If he couldn't even take care of himself sometimes, if he needed his brothers to pull him away from drowning in his emotions almost daily, how was he meant to set a good example for his daughter?</p><p>On some occasions he voiced these worries to Sally, but she simply kissed him softly and all he could feel was pure adoration and love for her and their daughter. And despite the bad days, he knew deep in his soul that everything would be alright.</p><p>Everything will be alright.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Sally's favorite thing about her pregnancy was seeing the purest form of love manifested in her lover's bright eyes.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.</p><p>Wilbur's favorite thing about Sally's pregnancy was playing guitar to her and their daughter. Sally said the child would dance about whenever she heard Wilbur sing.</p><p>Everything would be okay. He knew.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Wilbur did not like to talk about what happened on the day his daughter was born.</p><p>Sally had a relatively easy birth. A fast transition into labor, a walk to the house the village doctor worked in, and the joyful cry of a newborn angel (fox?) But what happened minutes after destroyed the sense of blissful peace that Wilbur had bathed in.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
...and my lover, she darted away down the stream, with a heart that she'd stolen from me…<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Ten days later Wilbur and his family scattered her ashes into the river behind their home. She had always loved swimming with the fish (and as a fish when shapeshifting. But that was long ago, before their world was changed.)</p><p>He kissed the forehead of the tiny fox hybrid in his arms, bestowing infinite unsaid promises upon her. Somehow he knew in his being that Sally wanted him to keep going, if not for him, then for their daughter.</p><p>Sally had named her Fauna. A beautiful name in Wilbur's opinion, displaying Sally's sweet love of nature and animals.</p><p>The sudden thought of Sally overcame Wilbur in a wave of guilt, and so he quietly handed baby Fauna to Tubbo (who absolutely adored his new niece) and made his way back to their home.</p><p>In this haze of guilt, shame, and overwhelming grief, Wilbur entered his room and curled up on the bed he once shared with Sally.</p><p>He fully blamed himself for her death.</p><p>Of course it was his fault. While it was both of their first times being intimate, and they had been using protection, somehow they weren't careful enough. If Wilbur hadn't gotten her pregnant, she would be alive and in his arms right now.</p><p>Memories of that night together had haunted him, because that was the night he sealed her fate.</p><p>The night he directly caused her death.</p><p>The night he killed her.</p><p>He didn't know how long he had been laying there with his hands tugging at his hair painfully, but at some point a pair of soft hands coaxed his fingers away from his scalp. It was Tommy, who held him much in the same way Phil would, with Wilbur against his chest.</p><p>Tubbo was there too, with little Fauna cradled to his chest. Phil and Techno as well, Phil sitting behind Tommy to reach over and stroke Wilbur's hair in a soothing pattern, and Techno hesitantly holding Wilbur's hand. (This was a rare sign of physical affection from the Piglin hybrid.)</p><p>On one hand, Wilbur was absolutely drinking in the calm from being held and supported by his family. Of course, he could always ask for this and they would hold and love him with no questions. But it felt nice that he didn't have to ask, they knew when he needed them.</p><p>However, the little tuft of copper hair poking out from Tubbo's arms compelled Wilbur to slowly untangle himself from the hugs and make grabby hands for his daughter. He didn't have the ability to be verbal right now, and his brother understood.</p><p>Although Sally was gone, irreversibly gone, this little child that his little brother was holding was the last remaining piece of her. Gods be damned if anything ever happened to sweet little Fauna.</p><p>And as Tubbo shifted Fauna into his arms, and Wilbur gazed into her deep brown eyes, gave one last shuddering breath, and wiped his tears, his heart told him that this was his new purpose.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As of January 14th, there are 15 total planned chapters.</p><p>Kudos and comments make my day, thank you for taking the time to read!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Fauna</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A new perspective, a new life, and a new opportunity.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fauna was three years old, when Wilbur finally brought out his guitar again, him now being twenty. It had been pushed to the back of his closet ever since he lost Sally. It was too much to remember those days where Sally (and Fauna) would listen and enjoy his singing. </p><p>As he took the instrument out and began to tune it, Fauna let out a soft whine. Wilbur instantly put it down and lifted her into his arms, but she pushed away and made grabby hands for the guitar. Confused, he held it out to her, and she smacked the strings with a giggling shriek, then stopped, looking at Wilbur with pleading eyes.</p><p>He didn't fully understand until she let out a hilariously frustrated sigh and grabbed his hand, guiding it to the guitar. He strummed it. </p><p>"Baba!"</p><p>Wilbur would strum an out of tune guitar for the rest of his life if he could keep seeing that wonderfully excited face she made.</p><p>After tuning the guitar with an impatient toddler trying to force him to strum, he played a chord for the first time in over three years. It brought back to mind those once painful memories, that he had since learned to appreciate and think of fondly. But now, as he began to play one of the songs he would often sing to Sally when she was pregnant, he couldn't help the nostalgic tears from spilling out.</p><p>And as he continued to pick the old strings while looking over at his little Fauna, he saw her dancing, bouncing up and down and twirling as much as her not yet strong legs would allow her. Sally had told him she liked to dance when he sang.</p><p>And he sang, he sang every song he remembered sharing with Sally, and Fauna danced.</p><p>And Phil, hearing an almost foreign sound in the house, peeked through the doorway to investigate, and was brought to tears by the scene. Wilbur, eyes closed and playing guitar with the grace of an expert, as if he had never stopped, and Fauna, dancing, giggling, and giving Wilbur small smiles and "woo!"s.</p><p>But the thing that struck him most was Wilbur's voice, which he had always been self conscious about, but here he was pouring his heart out as if he had done it a million times. And Phil would bet that he had before, with Sally.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Fauna was six when Wilbur decided with his brothers that it was time to move to a new city. It hurt him to leave Phil behind, but Phil insisted it was ok. That he would send letters, he just couldn't bear yet to leave behind the house he had built with his wife many years ago.</p><p>It broke his heart that no matter how many times he explained it, Fauna didn't understand why Papa wasn't coming with them. Papa, who would read her bedtime stories and soothe her from nightmares, who would secretly feed her sweets early in the morning against Wilbur's wishes, who would let her play with the feathers on his wings while he was reading a book.</p><p>But he knew if he didn't leave now, he never would, so with one last tight embrace and a promise to write as often as possible, Wilbur placed his daughter in a pull-along wagon, strapped his guitar on his back, and followed his brothers on the route to the new city.</p><p>Fauna kept waving at Phil until he was but a speck on the horizon.</p><p>And Phil waved at Fauna until he saw his sons and granddaughter leave his line of vision, leaving to start their new life.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
The brothers had been planning for months to begin travelling after hearing of the new city called the Dream SMP. It was started by of course Dream, but also George, his friend (boyfriend? lover? no one really knew) and their other best friend Sapnap. It had quickly grown to a medium sized community of friends, and surprisingly Wilbur had been the one to suggest the move in a spur of the moment decision. He did not expect, however, for all three of his brothers to agree with him.</p><p>It was nice, having them around while traveling. They were able to hold each other tight when it was rough. </p><p>When the voices in Techno's head were too loud to hear anything but, and he needed a grounding embrace, when Tommy's dysphoria got the best of him and he simply couldn't deal with it, and he could borrow Techno's oversized thick sweaters, when Tubbo couldn't catch up with his own brain and desperately needed to be gently held, or when Fauna began to miss her Papa Phil and needed her Bubbo to hold her like when she was a baby. </p><p>(Tubbo claimed he wasn't the favorite uncle but the nickname definitely proved it.)</p><p>Or when Wilbur thought of Sally for a moment too long and needed a mental break to just sit with his precious Fauna, when he began to doubt his abilities as a father and needed Techno to simply hold his hand, when normal functioning took such a toll on him that the feeling of the fabric of his sweater sent him into a sensory meltdown, and his brothers understood, it was nice.</p><p>It was nice, especially on those late nights after traveling when they would wordlessly sit together while Wilbur played a developing tune on his no longer shiny guitar and hummed a melody until he was almost too tired to put it safely in its case before his eyes drooped shut.</p><p>It was nice.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Fauna was nine when she got her nickname. </p><p>She was being babysat by Dream and George while her boys were exploring a desert temple nearby. While she had begged to go with the brothers, they said it was dangerous. Her Bubbo promised to make some cupcakes with her when they returned, and she smugly accepted as if it was her plan all along.</p><p>Dream was cooking lunch in the kitchen while George had Fauna on his shoulders, running around the house while her joyful shrieks bounced off the walls. She had stolen George's sunglasses off his head and was pretending to talk in his strange accent while he spun around to make her laugh. </p><p>Dream then called out to them, "Don't do that, you might make her sick Gogy!"</p><p>George made sure to check if she was okay before swinging her off his shoulders by the arms and giving her one last adrenaline-pumping spin before setting the confused girl down. </p><p>Fauna looked up at him from under the sunglasses and asked "Who's Gogy?" Just as Dream walked in with plates of food. His sudden wheeze startled her, and if she was being honest she almost yelped at the strange, harsh laugh that escaped the blonde man's mouth. (It was quite a funny laugh, maybe she'll tell Tommy about it later!)</p><p>When Dream recovered from his wheezing fit, he handed them each a plate of macaroni and cheese, and explained to Fauna that Gogy was just a nickname for George</p><p>"I want a nickname!" She exclaimed loudly, and George swore he could see the cogs turning in her head as she thought of one.</p><p>"Anything you want to be called?" George asked.</p><p>Fauna thought for another moment before jumping out of her seat and yelling "Fundy! Like Gogy but cooler!"</p><p>Dream laughed again, and this time Fauna and George joined in. Not a moment later, Fauna looked at George.</p><p>"Your boyfriend has a weird laugh."</p><p>She didn't understand when his face turned red and he buried his head in his hands, or when Dreams wheeze somehow got even more violent and the macaroni and cheese was left forgotten on the table as all three eventually ended up in a pile of laughter on the floor.</p><p>She also didn't understand when later that day she told her Baba that she wanted to be called Fundy instead of Fauna, when his face contorted into something like hurt, and he asked Techno to keep an eye on her while he took a walk.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
.<br/>
Wilbur regretted reacting the way he did. </p><p>But Fauna was such a perfect name for his beautiful little fox. It was also the name that Sally had picked for her. </p><p>Still, he couldn't help but feel like he lost one more connection to the lover he had years ago. Gods, it had been years, hadn't it? </p><p>He almost started doing his long lost habit of hitting his fist against his jaw when he was stressed. He hadn't done that since he was maybe fifteen, when Phil had told him he didn't want Wilbur to hurt himself. But now Tommy was there, gingerly tugging Wilbur's hands away with soft words of reassurance.</p><p>"It's the name, isn't it? Sally chose the name didn't she?"</p><p>Wilbur nodded, for the first time in a while becoming completely non verbal because of a meltdown. He thought he had finally got over it over nine years later, but something as small as this had sent him into another shutdown.</p><p>"I understand Will, I really do. Dad felt the same way when I changed my name after I came out. Remember? He was so fuckin' supportive of me but it was the name he was caught on. It's because mom chose it, Will."</p><p>Wilbur couldn't help but inhale sharply at the mention of their mother. Gods, he hadn't thought of her in so long. She had passed when Tommy was only two, a few years before Phil had adopted Tubbo. It was hard to remember her, her face was slightly fuzzy in his brain and it drove him mad.</p><p>He should write a letter to Phil soon, it's been a couple of weeks since he sent one last.</p><p>"You just gotta understand it from Fauna's side. Don't worry though, Will. It's just a nickname, she is still legally your little Fauna Soot. Did you know that she only chose to be called that because Dream calls his boyf- excuse me, 'friend' Gogy?"</p><p>Wilbur giggled a little at Tommy's humor and had Tommy held him tight for many moments before he decided he was ready to speak.</p><p>"Tommy, sometimes I look back to when I was with Sally, and I blame myself for it," he whispered. "I blame myself for not being safe enough because in the end that's what killed her. But at the same time, if none of that happened I wouldn't have my wonderful little fox cub to cuddle with and sing to at night. And- and… if I could go back and change it, and save Sally, I- I wouldn't. Does that make me a bad person?"</p><p>Tommy looked into Wilbur's eyes with a genuine loving smile, one that could only be shared between brothers, and assured him that no, he wasn't a bad person at all.</p><p>He wasn't a bad person at all, as he returned inside to a sleeping Fauna and carried her to his room, and cuddled with his perfect child. </p><p>As she groggily mumbled, then whispered "love you baba!" before curling into his chest and falling back asleep.</p><p>As he sighed contentedly and whispered back.</p><p>"I love you too, my little Fundy."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Floris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Fundy makes a realization.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tws<br/>-dysphoria (+periods)<br/>-unsafe binding<br/>-panic attacks</p><p>don't worry, it all ends well<br/>:)<br/>&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Fundy was thirteen when she came to a sudden realization that almost sent her into a panic.</p><p>When she finally understood why she hated when Baba called her his "little princess" or when he asked her to wear a skirt. Of course he respected her when she asked him to stop, although slightly confused.</p><p>And it explains why she had broken down when puberty started, when she had developed a chest larger than she had ever had nightmares about (why did she have nightmares about it?), and her hips widened out in a displeasing outward display that screamed femininity. When looking at her own body made her dizzy in anger, and she felt like she was missing something.</p><p>Her Baba always called her beautiful, and she believed him, because Baba had never lied to her before. She was beautiful. But maybe she wasn't beautiful in the way everyone thought she was.</p><p>When she was up late one night, practicing piano, a melody dancing along the keys as her fingers moved to their own accord, she thought about it. And with the clash of a horrendously sour mix of keys, she- no- </p><p>he finally understood.<br/>
.<br/>
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He was fourteen when he told someone for the first time.</p><p>He had gotten his first period the day before, and was absolutely miserable, especially because no one knew why he (she to everyone else) had such a negative reaction to it. Of course he was an earlier bloomer.</p><p>Of course Tommy was able to help him out, Tommy had grown to be comfortable with his own biology, but had a strange look in his eye as he explained how to use the products and Fundy almost had a full blown panic attack. He didn't ask though, and reassured Fundy that it was okay to stick to pads if he was uncomfortable. Why did Tommy have to be so damn understanding?</p><p>He had gone to the piano again that day, playing a melody he vaguely remembered dancing to years ago, in a room packed with buttery sunlight, and love, and the joy of being free, dancing with his Baba. Allowing himself to be free in a way that wasn't physical.</p><p>But later that night, when he laid in bed, he couldn't help but feel so fucking wrong. Not only was his cycle destroying his midsection with the worst pain he could imagine, he had spent a moment too long looking in the mirror and saw the way his chest had gotten bigger somehow, and his hips had widened out, and he had noticed how his jawline was far too soft, his face so fucking feminine-</p><p>-and suddenly he was on his feet stumbling to his Bubbo's room (Yes he was still called Bubbo. Fuck off.)</p><p>Tears started to cloud his vision as he opened the door silently and shook his favorite uncle awake, looking confused as hell. Tubbo flicked on the bedside lamp, squinting, and seemed to wake up immediately as he saw Fundy's current state and engulfed him in a soft hug.</p><p>"Fundy? Fauna?"</p><p>But at that moment the name, everything, was far too much for Fundy, and he guiltily pushed away from his Bubbo's embrace with a whimper. Tubbo, however confused, respected him and opted to hold his hand and place a soft teddy bear in his lap until he could breathe deeply again.</p><p>"Fauna?"</p><p>He jumped again, and harshly whispered "Don't call me that!" and began to tear up again. </p><p>"Huh? Okay… alright." A very confused Tubbo said, not sure why she wouldn't want to be called her own name. "Is Fundy okay?"</p><p>He nodded and took a breath.</p><p>"Bubbo?" He asked, not looking up "Can I tell you something? and do you promise not to tell Baba or Techno or Tommy or anyone until I'm ready?</p><p>"Of course, anything. Unless you killed someone, then I may tell them!" he responded, trying to lighten the mood, but Fundy just squeezed his hand. Now he knew it was really serious.</p><p>"Bubbo, I-" He took another deep breath.</p><p>He pictured that scene he had remembered once before, just before his reality was flipped, just before the sour note made him jump up and knock over that piano bench with a deafening crack, just before he began to feel physically pained when he was called she-</p><p>But oh how free it felt to dance and fully be himself in the comforting atmosphere of his earliest memories.</p><p>Sunlight. Love. Freedom.</p><p>And Wilbur, his perfect Baba, pouring his soul out if only to see his child dance with joy. </p><p>He knew that this was a sign, his Baba was trying to tell him something all that time ago. He was trying to show his child how to be free, and lovely, and kind, full of the most rewarding joys life has to offer.</p><p>And so he took his Baba's advice.</p><p>"I think I'm a boy."</p><p>It was a few heavy moments before his Bubbo responded.</p><p>"Oh…. Okay. Alright!"</p><p>He could have sobbed with relief as he nodded and pulled himself to be held in Tubbo's chest. As he finally felt some of the tension shift, the tension he didn't even know was there, but was now oh so grateful for that day with his Baba and today with Bubbo.</p><p>Maybe he did cry, but his Bubbo would never tell.<br/>
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It was another entire month before Fundy told Tommy. Simply talking about it with Tubbo had taken so much energy and it was draining, not to mention the physical aspect of it all which he tried so hard to ignore. It was a lot easier now that he had told one person. </p><p>But when his Bubbo saw him struggling with it, he was quick to grab Fundy's hand and give a small, inconspicuous squeeze that melted away the pain, if only for a moment.</p><p>And it was almost harder to tell Tommy because Tommy was just like him. Because Tommy had all the knowledge on the subject, and who knows if Fundy is lying to himself? </p><p>What if this is just some huge fucking mistake?</p><p>But he's too far in now, and when he blurts it out way too soon while on a walk with Tommy, along the creaking wooden prime path, he is quick to cover his mouth and almost shuts down-</p><p>But he was a bit confused when Tommy didn't seem surprised in the slightest, he just hugged Fundy and told him he was proud of him for being so brave. But then Fundy remembered that day in the bathroom, with the tampons, and the strange look in Tommy's eyes.</p><p>Tommy, amazing, wonderful, Tommy, had had Fundy hop onto his back, piggybacking to their home when Fundy giggled- it was feminine and for a moment He stopped, because it was wrong. But then Tommy spun around and started making piggy noises, as he would when Fundy was younger, and started doing spins, and jumps, and Fundy couldn't help but giggle, and laugh, and holler, exposing his soul for all to see, as if he were young and naive again. For a moment, Tommy helped him forget today and remember those days of yesterday, and it was blissful.</p><p>When they arrived at their home, Fundy couldn't help but feel a creeping disappointment when Tommy set him down and ran down the hall to his room. Just like that, their joyous moment over.</p><p>However, Tommy returned as quickly as he left, with a bundle of fabric in his arms.</p><p>"This is my old binder. It should fit you, go try it on!" Tommy explained.</p><p>Fundy felt himself tearing up, once again, but hid his face as he quickly hugged Tommy and scurried off to the bathroom.</p><p>As he struggled to slip the garment over his head, refusing to look in the mirror yet, he thanked whatever gods existed that he had an uncle like Tommy. And he prayed to those same gods that the binder would work, would fill him with that buttery sunshine.</p><p>And when he turned around and saw the reflection of his flat chest in the mirror, the tears of relief releasing all the tension that he had been holding inside, as he came the closest he ever had to looking like himself, he almost fell to the floor with a crash, but caught himself by sliding down the door.</p><p>Tommy rushed in and opened the door with a panicked look, but when he looked down and saw Fundy sobbing with joy, Tommy held him close and celebrated this beautiful accomplishment with him. And yeah, he dropped quite a few tears as well.<br/>
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Tommy and Tubbo had been trying to convince him to finally come out to his Baba. His sweet, wonderful, understanding Baba that he knew would always support him. </p><p>But he recalled when he came up with his name, Fundy, and Wilbur had shut down because of it. So he was terrified of this.</p><p>It was terrifying, but Fundy was ready to be himself, his true honest self, and in front of the whole world.</p><p>Well, maybe not the whole world.</p><p>Not yet.<br/>
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Wilbur was very confused when Fauna asked him to go on a picnic with her. God, he hadn't taken her on a picnic for months, and it was a good thing she came to ask him or he may have forgotten.</p><p>She seemed uncharacteristically nervous on the way there, her fingers tapping against her thumb in a quick, repeatable pattern.</p><p>"Fauna," she flinched, and he wondered, but he disregarded it as he had just broken the silence, and he would have jumped if it was the other way round. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."</p><p>He was scared of what she would say. What if she made the same mistake he had when he was younger?</p><p>No, Fauna was his smart, wonderful daughter who knew of his past enough to judge her way. He trusted her.</p><p>She shakily took a breath, and another.</p><p>"I was going to wait until we ate, but honestly I might shit myself out of fear if we do. Fuck. Ok… Here it goes."</p><p>Wilbur took her hand as they sat down on a soft blanket he had spread out, one he barely remembers his mother sewing together as he played with his teddy bear as a child, the soft fabric entrancing his tiny hands. Fauna squeezed back with a clammy hand.</p><p>And she told him.</p><p>"Baba, I'm a boy. I'm trans."</p><p>Wilbur didn't know what to say, but as he looked up, he could tell his silence was scaring his daugh- son, he was internally panicking, but his child was okay, sitting in the heavy silence which threatened to spill over if he didn't begin speaking soon.</p><p>"Fundy- shit, is that name ok? Ok. I just want you to know that I'm so glad you told me, I'm so fucking proud of you. You are my son, and I love you no matter what."</p><p>Wilbur looked into Fundy's deep brown eyes and didn't realize he had started crying until he gleefully whispered "I have a son!"</p><p>He reached towards his little Fundy and held his face in his hands, tracing the small tear tracks. And looking at his son for the first time as his true, honest self, Wilbur kissed him on the forehead, just as he had the day they scattered Sally's ashes-that kiss conveying all the unspoken promises Wilbur vowed to keep.</p><p>It was almost as if he could hear the sound of Sally's favorite place, the fresh water babbling by, him plucking sweet, lovely chords on the guitar, and her voice joining his.</p><p>Her ashes drifting out of the urn, out to sea.</p><p>Fundy adjusted himself to be held, and for the first time Wilbur held his son in the same way his own father had, with his head leaning sideways against Wilbur's chest.</p><p>"Baba?" a small voice asked.</p><p>"Yes, my little champion?"</p><p>"I know it hurts to talk about mom-" Wilbur sucked in a breath at that "-and I know it always will. But you mentioned she had a name picked out for if I was born a boy?</p><p>In that moment Wilbur felt so prideful his chest could've burst with love. And he thought of all those years ago, when he was sitting with Sally under a similar tree by the river behind Phil's house, making plans for the future of them and their child. A future they never got to live out together, but one Wilbur was trying so damn hard to give to his child, a future where he would never need to doubt the love he is showered with.</p><p>"Just so you know, you were born a boy. We just didn't know it yet."</p><p>His son smiled.</p><p>And calling back to that conversation with the love of his life, he remembered one of the two names she had chosen- Wilbur not even needing to suggest any names, as they were perfect.</p><p>And this time, he declared the name of his child. His son. He wanted to shout it to the entire world, but he couldn't, this moment was special, and beautiful.</p><p>"Floris." He gently whispered.</p><p>"Floris," Fundy repeated. "Floris, Floris. I- I think I like that name. A-and he/him pronouns."</p><p>Wilbur gazed at his son with pure adoration, his one and only son who he would do absolutely anything for.</p><p>"Okay. Floris it is then."</p><p>And almost as if a distant whisper on the horizon of his consciousness burst forth, Wilbur hears the soft rushing of water and a voice, so faint that it's hard to hear the words, but she sings to him, as he joins in and sings to his son with her.<br/>
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Fundy told Techno next, who unsurprisingly was supportive but indifferent. What was surprising, however, was the tight hug Fundy was engulfed in. He had never seen Techno willingly hug someone, much less initiate a hug himself.</p><p>Fundy had showed everyone how he looked in his binder, with his amazingly flat chest.</p><p>Tommy strictly made sure he wasn't binding unsafely. He didn't want a repeat of his own experience. Tommy made sure to give Fundy tips about how to minimize dysphoria while not binding. Fundy couldn't have been more thankful, because without Tommy he would have been so utterly lost. Tommy was his compass, pointing towards hope and light.</p><p>And Wilbur helped Fundy cut his hair in a more masculine style (He already had relatively short hair, but he felt a haircut would help him feel more genuine.)</p><p>He sat on the bathroom floor where he first wore his binder, and with each snip of the scissors, each lock of thick copper hair that fell off his shoulders, he felt as if his Baba was also cutting away all the worry and pain.</p><p>And while Fundy still preferred to be called Fundy, he also shared around his new name, although it felt as though that was always his name.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, his mother chose it herself.</p><p>Who was he to argue with her?<br/>
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He ended up writing a letter to Phil, his papa. He missed his papa so much and would do anything to see him again, to be that little child sitting on the wooden countertops while his papa snuggled him snacks.</p><p>But now Phil had his life, and the rest had theirs.</p><p>Fundy's pen shook as he wrote, but he paid no mind. What was most important to him was letting his papa know everything. All the emotion he had been going through, the pain, the hurt, but most importantly the joy which his family had fostered within him.</p><p>And he wanted his papa to know that he loved him, so damn much. and he missed him.</p><p>Fundy may have been lying if he said there weren't a few tear drops near the corner of the stack of papers. (Yes, stack. he wanted to be thorough.)</p><p>And Phil would definitely have been lying if he said he didn't cry when he received the letter. And if he said he didn't make plans to sell the house and make his way to the Dream SMP. To reunite with his family.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes, there will be election arc + wilbur and Fundy angst, and I will eventually include the current smp events. </p><p>but I cant bring myself to write a sad ending, so you get happy (althoigh possibly unrealistic) ending :D</p><p>just pog thought he pain until we get there</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. President</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The birth of a new nation, the realization that perhaps everyone does deserve healing, and new love to cherish.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Around the time Fundy turned fifteen, Techno had suddenly announced that he had made the decision to leave his brothers and nephew.</p><p>He was off to an isolated area north of the greater Dream SMP, maybe a three day's trip on a slow horse away. He gave no reason other than "I hate government." And miraculously, everyone understood.</p><p>Fundy didn't understand.</p><p>Techno failed to mention however that he was only leaving because the voices told him he had to go home, and that place with the Arctic snow screamed home to him, and he swore he caught glimpses of  a different plane of reality where he ruled over a sprawling empire, Phil by his side, Wilbur and Tommy working for his court, the court he designed and formed for his own good, those who wronged him suffering beneath his rule-</p><p>Or maybe that was just another one of the voices spinning a story from lies. And Techno did try to argue this, because he truly did not want to leave. </p><p>But the voices always got their way.</p><p>Of course, Fundy was heartbroken. He had never lived without his Techno. It was always his Baba, his Bubbo, his Tommy, and his Techno. While Techno was not always affectionate, Fundy knew the two had just as strong of a bond as even Fundy and Tubbo. And as Fundy helped Techno gather his things from his bedroom, he couldn't help but to see that broken glint in his uncle's eye, and ask if hugging was okay, and he held his Baba's twin as he cried for the first time since Fundy was born.</p><p>So when Techno saddled his horse and gave one final salute goodbye (not a permanent goodbye, Fundy had to remind himself,) Fundy couldn't help but to feel betrayed, as if that moment of weakness never happened.</p><p>Or like Fundy was Phil, thirteen years ago, waving his only family away if only to stay in his place of comfort. But this time the one leaving wasn't looking back for Fundy to wave the entire time, until he was a speck on the distant horizon-no he simply turned-</p><p>and he was gone.</p><p>Let's just say Fundy spent quite a while in the arms of his Bubbo that day.</p><p>And while Wilbur wouldn't tell anyone, he broke, in the privacy of his own room, forgetting his personal rules, and gave in to the urges, his fist uncomfortably colliding with his side of his jaw, and when Tommy found him curled into a tight ball hours later, with a bruised face a and red fist, he simply led his older brother to Tubbo's room, where Tubbo and Fundy were.</p><p>And while they each clearly felt the absence of their Techno, they knew that they would be okay.<br/>
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Fundy was sixteen when Wilbur and Tommy began to split off from the greater Dream SMP, creating a new nation they called L'manberg. And at first it was exhilarating, as Fundy listened to his father and uncle preach of freedom, of being liberated. And what he always pictured when they made their eloquent speeches was three year old him dancing free, free from the stress of life.</p><p>However he couldn't help but to wonder, what were they trying to break free from?</p><p>Of course, Fundy gave full support to his Baba and Tommy; While he at some points had trouble understanding the bigger picture, his Baba had never lied to him before.</p><p>So he followed, and that turned out to be a great decision, because new people banded with them soon after.</p><p>Jack Manifold, strange glasses and all, was quiet and didn't make very close friends with anyone, but he was smart, so undeniably smart, and while it hurt Fundy to think of him as an object, Jack was a great asset for L'manberg.</p><p>Eret, who Fundy had never seen the eyes of, was strange, in a way unlike Jack, as they got quieter when asked of their past. Though they didn't show it, Fundy could tell they absolutely adored it when Wilbur would play the occasional tune by the roasting fire at night. It quickly became a running joke that Eret had no eyes, because they refused to remove their clean, heavily tinted sunglasses.</p><p>And Niki, the sweet woman who stumbled out of the treeline one day, claiming she was leaving her old life behind, and Wilbur had taken her in, given her shelter in one of the newly formed buildings in the area called L'manberg, and sat her down by the fire with a warm stew that Tubbo had made.</p><p>Niki had taken a liking to Wilbur and Fundy, and as the new nation worked together to build their protective walls, from the dark bricks Fundy and Tubbo worked to make from river clay, Fundy was reassured of the strength of his father, and the nation as a whole. He could see the tender glances his Baba shared with Niki, and while Fundy was unsure of their status, he was happy for them.</p><p>But even at the dawn of a new era in his life, Fundy couldn't help but to hope for a time years past, where his family was together, where his papa and Techno were with him, in the halls of that old wooden house that they grew up in.<br/>
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Wilbur loved Niki.</p><p>Not in the same way he loved Sally, which has been a deep, needy love that seeped from every pore in his body as they shared their hearts with one another. As he gave everything to her, and she to him.</p><p>No, Wilbur loved Niki in such a way that seeing her kind smile made his stomach flutter, and he could do nothing but give her soft hugs and glances as he was enamored by her, as she gifted him with a soft yellow sweater she had made that somehow was the perfect texture as to not bother him, as she played with his hair in the early hours of the morning, as he told her stories of his past and she listened, and she did not judge, she just listened to his heart, open and bare.</p><p>And no, this love was not in a romantic way. </p><p>Wilbur had definitely thought about it before, when she asked him to play a song for her, and his heart almost burst because she was so plainly sweet, and lovely, and wonderful. It was difficult to separate the different types of love, as he learned that each could be as overwhelmingly strong as the last.</p><p>But if platonic soulmates were real, she was his and he was hers, he thought, as their lives melded together in a familiar but new way, and for the first time he found someone who understood him. Through and through, their love for each other burning brighter than all their greatest desires. </p><p>They may have confused the other residents when Wilbur became physically affectionate with someone outside of his immediate family, with gentle hand holding and soft cheek kisses, but Wilbur didn't care one bit because this was his Niki that he loved dearly.</p><p>And she just maybe began to fill the barely scarred over wound in his soul with the purest form of joy, that he wasn't sure he had felt since that day thirteen years ago when he had first uncovered that dusty old guitar, and his child was free, and happy, and lovely.<br/>
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Fundy was proud of his father.</p><p>His father- his Baba, who was now president of their little community. (nation, he reminded himself. Baba says it's a nation.)</p><p>His Baba, who at seventeen had had a child, and lost his love, and pulled through every bad situation just for Fundy- was now president. And Tommy was vice president. Fundy was there to support them, just as everyone had supported him when things got rough, when his body didn't feel right, or when he simply needed a break.</p><p>And he was so proud of his family for what they had gone through, what they had overcome.</p><p>If only Techno was there to support them as well.<br/>
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Fundy was scrubbing a spot of dirt from their refurbished van when it happened.</p><p>(Tubbo had found the almost destroyed hunk of metal deep in the forest when searching for herbs, but Wilbur had taken one look at it, dubbed it the "Camarvan," and spent an entire week fixing the rusted metal.)</p><p>When the Dream team walked right through the gates of their nation in anger, when George and Sapnap stood by as Dream hammered a nail into Fundy's heart with each and every painful word, as the residents of l'manberg for once began to lose hope and Fundy felt something inside him crumble.</p><p>The sunglasses perched on George's forehead brought back happy memories, of piggy back rides and hide and go seek, that now began to turn painful, George showing his full support for the tyrant that was stealing the nation's freedom.</p><p>As the trio turned to leave, followed by their promise of destruction and pain, Fundy stepped forward, with tears in his eyes and a purpose in his bones.</p><p>"Gogy?"</p><p>The use of the nickname, Fundy saw, caused him to stop. And the man himself turned around, looking straight into Fundy's eyes.</p><p>It was deeply unsettling, as if George had somehow reached into his soul and ran a cold finger along his metaphysical bones. </p><p>Gogy, the kind man Fundy once knew from the few years of his childhood where George and Dream would look after him. Searching within the man's eyes, he knew the friend he once had was gone. He was just George now. A stranger.</p><p>"Gogy, please," Fundy begged, "you don't have to do this!"</p><p>A flicker in George's eyes, so fast that no one but Fundy could have caught it, a look of… regret? But it was gone as fast as it arrived, and with a shake of his head George had turned his back and walked out behind his companions. The crunch of his boots on the ground was haunting, as if it was the sound of a hammer, driving nails into the casket where L'manberg was now destined to lie.<br/>
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A new person had joined L'manberg, a young man who played the guitar but in a different, louder style than Wilbur did, who shared his laughter and bright energy with everyone, and went by the name of Quackity.</p><p>Niki became friends with him quickly, as he was easy to talk to, and they wasted hours sitting on top of the camarvan against Wilbur's wishes, but Niki had reassured Quackity that Wilbur wouldn't get mad at them because Wilbur was her best friend. </p><p>(Quackity had wiggled his eyebrows at that, and Niki almost shoved him off of the van. Almost.)</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>edit: next chapter may take another day or two because I really want to make sure that the atmosphere and pacing is right ◠‿◠</p><p>love u! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Run</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Wilbur makes a decision for L'manberg.<br/>Niki makes a decision for Wilbur.<br/>Quackity makes a decision for the greater good.<br/>Fundy makes a decision for himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tiny tw for brief mention of unsafe binding.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The announcement of the election brought with it some mixed opinions, mainly positive, except for the fact that members of the entire Dream SMP would be able to vote.</p><p>That didn't sit right with Niki, but she trusted her president to make the right decisions. He was Wilbur, and although she had only known him for a short time, she would trust him with her life.</p><p>Niki was surprised, however, when Wilbur approached her and Quackity one day as their feet had dangled into the lake within the walls of L'manberg.</p><p>When Wilbur proposed an idea.<br/>
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Niki and Quackity would each run for president- not seriously, but as a way to provide competition, and to solidify the power of Wilbur and Tommy.</p><p>She had to admit, it did hurt when Wilbur first asked, it being almost as if he was so sure the people would choose him over Niki, but she knew they would, because he was their leader. So she got over it.</p><p>Niki did not want to be the face of her running party, however, so she thought for a long while and came to ask Fundy if he would run for president, and her as his vice.</p><p>It was unsettling for her to see the look in that young man's eyes as he agreed. Was it lust? want? greed?</p><p>Niki didn't know, she didn't need to know, and she told herself this as she worked with Fundy to plan their speeches. She had explained thoroughly that it was just a show, a plan to solidify Wilbur's leadership and with it the freedom of their nation. But still, that look in Fundy's eyes persisted as he improved the speeches she had drafted, now adding eloquent language and sharp imagery, with the sound of a frantic pen, that terrified Niki.</p><p>Because they weren't meant to win, they were meant to lose. And Niki felt as if Fundy had fallen too far in, too far for her to grasp his hand as he harshly pulled it away; he didn't want to be saved. Fundy wanted victory.<br/>
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At first, Fundy felt guilty.</p><p>He had actively chosen to defy his father and risk their relationship. He had purposefully improved his presidential campaign, and had intentionally tried to manipulate Niki into siding fully with him.</p><p>He knew he was being a dick to his family as well. When Tommy entered his room late at night to remind Fundy to remove his binder, and he lashed out and told him to fuck off, but Tommy stayed until Fundy was unbound because Tommy always cared about his nephew's safety. And when he  stopped asking his Bubbo to spend time baking sweet treats together, instead opting to draft and redraft those damn speeches because they just weren't right yet. </p><p>Or when his father discovered the eloquent plans Fundy had made to take the power for himself, and nodded with tears in his eyes, leaving the desk without a word. Wilbur disappeared into his own room for a few days, and when he returned back to the outside world wearing faded bruises on his jaw and a soft yellow sweater which engulfed him in warmth, all he could do was be held by Niki as she repeatedly apologized and he forgave her, because it wasn't her fault.</p><p>Wilbur knew it was his own fault for allowing Fundy to feel unwanted within the nation.</p><p>And Fundy knew this, which is the very reason he convinced himself to not feel the guilt that was bubbling inside of him, threatening to consume him.<br/>
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Tubbo was the mediator for the very first presidential debate. While the majority of the members running were very close with him, they all agreed that he was trustworthy enough to ask unbiased questions and keep the peace.</p><p>While the small crowd of Lmanbergians and Dream SMP members found their seats, and the running parties shuffled through their notes one last time, Tubbo made his way up to the stage, and tapped the mic experimentally.</p><p>"Welcome to the first presidential debate!"</p><p>The crowd answered with a few half-hearted cheers and claps.</p><p>"We have three parties participating in the debate today," Tubbo explained. "POG 2020, consisting of Wilbur Soot Watson and Tommy Innit Watson. Coconut 2020, represented by Floris "Fundy" Soot and Niki Nihachu. And lastly SWAG 2020, with Alexis "Quackity" and a currently unspecified vice."</p><p>Tubbo took a breath, and made eye contact with a few of the gathered people.</p><p>"Let it be known to both Quackity and the greater public that if Quackity fails to announce a running mate before the first debate ensues, then in the event of him winning the election the runner up will become his vice president."</p><p>Quackity hadn't announced his running mate yet, and on multiple occasions Wilbur had made sure to warn him of the image he would portray if he did run alone. </p><p>However, as the crowd sent worried looks in his direction, Quackity simply painted on his knowing smile and nodded at Tubbo as well as the surrounding crowd. He was planning for it to be a surprise, if the glint in his eye was to mean anything.</p><p>And as Tubbo called the SWAG 2020 representatives to the stand, and his vice president, donning a pair of rounded white sunglasses, strolled in through the doors with his masked partner flanking him, there were shouts of protest, but Quackity just smiled, and explained that no where in the rules of the election did it bar non L'manbergian citizens from the race. Dream removed his hand from the small of his partner's back, and confidently made his way to his seat. And George made his way to his podium.</p><p>And so the audience was forced to watch as Quackity and George delivered the most convincing speeches of the day, as the other two running parties sighed in momentary defeat, as Fundy mentally beat himself for being so naive, as Tommy internally recoiled at the shame radiating from Wilbur, and SWAG 2020 somehow convinced some of the audience of their ability to rule a nation.<br/>
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Not even Fundy's carefully crafted words had been able to compete with those of Quackity and George. He realized this as he had finished sharing his words with the crowd, and the other two men miraculously appealed to the perfect desires of the people. While Fundy had prepared reasoning for why he and Niki were good leaders, Quackity and George had strongly criticized the current ways of L'manberg (much to the horror of Wilbur) and provided ideas for improvement.</p><p>That night, late after the debate had ended and he still sat outside the empty courthouse, something in Fundy broke. At first it was because of his failure to recognize what the people wanted. If he were to become their leader, he would have to hear and interpret their words-but he had done the opposite and instead had shared only his selfish desires to lead. And he came to fully regret his actions. He had become consumed with the idea of victory (Would it even have been a true victory?) and hurt those around him. Especially his father, who even at the height of betrayal had allowed his son to do what he desired, even at the cost of his own mentality. He had blindly turned away from those who had always supported and loved him, who had a constant hand ready to catch him if he were to fall. And be knew deep down that he had truly changed for the worse.</p><p>So instead of returning straight home, he picked himself up off the ground and made a stop at Niki's house. When he softly knocked, she opened the door wide for him when he, and he pulled her into an embrace, mumbling repeated apologies over and over. And Niki, being the sweet woman she was, told him it was okay, he was okay, they were okay. </p><p>Everything would be okay.</p><p>She hummed Fundy a song, which he faintly recalled his father playing for the two of them when he stopped by to have lunch under the tree by the camarvan. It was a new song that did not yet have lyrics, but had the foundation of a softly flowing melody that had him feeling nostalgic for a time he had never experienced. Fundy allowed his tears to fall freely, becoming lost in the tune and Niki's arms.</p><p>And many moments later, when his tears had mostly dried, he left Niki with another tight embrace and the promise to discuss and redevelop the details of their election plan soon. But he had a pressing matter to attend to. His father.</p><p>When he did make his way home, it took him hundreds of paces in front of his own front door before he built up the courage to enter.</p><p>As the door creaked open and Fundy peeked in, he found his father and uncles curled up on the couch together, asleep. Tommy and Wilbur were holding each other, while Tubbo simply held Tommy's hand and leaned on his shoulder. It reminded Fundy of the days before L'manberg, before the need for freedom or justice or liberty. </p><p>Fundy swept his eyes across the room, finding a bowl of food set on the table, covered by a cloth, and upon further inspection he realized that even after what he had done, his family still left him a seat at the table. The half washed dishes in the kitchen were indicative of their previohs shared meal, which Fundy had of course failed to show up to. The thought alone almost made him tear up again, but he held back. He wasn't hungry now anyways, his appetite was long gone after the day's events. What was most important was attempting to repair what he had broken.</p><p>A look back at Wilbur revealed a set of open eyes, staring back at him. Fundy's ears lowered in a display of shame, and he opened his mouth to speak quietly, as to not wake his sleeping uncles.</p><p>"Dad, I-"</p><p>Wilbur cut Fundy off with a tired shushing noise, and simply opened his unoccupied arm for his son to lean on. Fundy did just this, hesitantky snuggling close to his father for the first time in weeks, then curling in as he would when he had nightmares as a child, his father needing no explanation for his troubles.</p><p>When his father's breathing evened back out, and Fundy felt as if he was asleep, he whispered "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I love you."</p><p>And when Wilbur felt Fundy's trembling cease, and knew he was asleep, he whispered back "it's okay my little Fundy. It's okay."</p><p>If both knew they had heard the other clearly, they never told. Especially when in the morning Wilbur shifted positions, and his son suddenly whimpered and clutched at his own chest, remembering the forgotten price of clothing that caused as much pain as it did relief, and the three now fully awake brothers worked to comfort the hurting child. Explanations and apologies could wait for later, hell, they never needed to be said, as long as they were together, and honest, and safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>love you guys, your comments have kept me going :) &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Interlude: Technoblade</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A look inside the mind of Technoblade.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>MAJOR warning for the following:<br/>-Blood/gore<br/>-anxiety and/or panic<br/>-implied self harm</p><p>this chapter is not required to follow along with the story, however it provides a good perspective on Technoblade.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After the day's work of clearing out more snow, and reinforcing his house even further if only to protect himself from being frozen alive by the incoming storms, he was tired in his bones. He staggered inside and he laid himself down, flat on the floor, no longer able to muster the energy to hold himself up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You look stupid</span>
  </em>
  <span> said the ceiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, maybe I do.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What are you doing? </span>
  </em>
  <span>said the floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don't know.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why are you here?</span>
  </em>
  <span> asked the dust in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why didn't you hurt them when you had the chance? </span>
  </em>
  <span>a new voice interjected. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You know what we need. You know we crave blood. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Techno closed his eyes, hoping to shut out the voice, but it was still there, in his head, feeding him unwelcome images. He tried to stop them-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Wilbur with your sword through his throat. He was always so dramatic, he would be crying, and begging, and reaching out to you before you finished him. His blood would coat your hands and we would be satisfied, no longer hungry for a moment. Or Tommy, stupid little Tommy, fighting against your hold-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-screaming in agony as he clamped his hands over his ears and bit his lip hard enough to break skin, in an attempt to distract himself-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-with your hands around his throat as he struggled to take his last breath, how good we would feel, one more useless life gone-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>-screaming for Phil, for his Papa, who he knew wasn't anywhere near, but the hope still persisted-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Tubbo's head falling to the floor as you swing your axe in a wide arc-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-</span>
  </em>
  <span>pounding his fists into his head in a final attempt to get rid of the voices, or knock himself unconscious-</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-your brothers would deserve it, they never loved you anyway.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn't know when he fell asleep, or rendered himself unconscious, or passed out from pure exhaustion. But what he did know is that he woke up many hours later in a painful ball of bruises, scratches, and whispers that promised him relief. They told him that if he hurt someone-or if he hurt himself, even-he would be free.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for a moment, he believed them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That is until the images from the previous day, of his own brothers in pain, sent another wave of sobs wracking through his entire being. And he felt the most regret he had ever felt in his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He regretted leaving his family behind. And freeing the voices to invade him with these thoughts.But most of all, he regretted considering what the voices had to say, if only for a moment-he had thought about giving in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However long it would take, he would wipe his tears and put on a brave face. No one else had to know.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Surprise! A short little chapter I thought up while rewatching some old pre-philza vods.<br/>I hope you enjoy the little glimpse inside Techno's head &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Newcomer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Goat man is here</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Content Warnings: dysphoria, misgendering (accidental)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While Fundy had apologized repeatedly, and he and Niki discussed with Wilbur and Tommy multiple times what to do, in the end Fundy still had to run for president in order to sway votes away from SWAG2020. However, he still used the same basis for the new presidential plan as he had for the last speech: proving his and Niki's truthfulness and their ability to help the country. This still rang true, although their leadership was not going to be in the presidential office, rather it would be through being good citizens. The voters didn't need to know this as long as they were telling most of the truth.</p><p> </p><p>And while the election had been almost fully planned and he had repaired most of his problems with his family, he still felt a pang whenever he accidentally called his father <em> Wilbur </em> instead of <em> Dad </em> or even <em> Baba </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur didn't notice much, however, too caught up in the stress of running a country. And Fundy didn't blame him, he understood that his father was needed in other areas.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Fundy almost felt as if the promise of a perfect childhood was stolen away from him. Firstly because of not knowing his own identity until a couple of years prior, but also because of his family's responsibilities. Sure, they were always there to support him. But he knew it wasn't the same as, say, Wilbur's childhood, which Fundy knew was filled with nothing but childish joy. </p><p> </p><p>Sure, his father had had a child at seventeen, however it just felt <em> different. </em> Wilbur had Sally, and Phil, and everyone. Fundy was lost. Of course he could talk to Tommy or Tubbo at any time, but they too were needed by L'manberg. And so he pushed down the need for… whatever it was he needed and forged ahead in the election plans.</p><p> </p><p>Either way, Fundy was grateful for everything his father did for him. Just- something felt off, and he couldn't quite tell what it was.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Wilbur always remembered his closest childhood friend, Schlatt. </p><p> </p><p>He remembered when the other boy had first started growing his horns, and for the first and only time ever he had cried in front of Wilbur. Schlatt said the horns made him look like his father, and he <em> hated </em> it, he wanted to snap the damn stubs off of his head and be done with it. But try as he might've, they stayed firmly attached to his skull. And with another few months came the fuzzy beginnings of a beard, and his previously almost-human ears drooped and were coated with a thin layer of cream colored fur.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur remembered how the hybrid had such a big personality, never afraid to voice his opinions, or to let it be known that he carried a weapon at all times, or to share that he was self sufficient, living out of his self built house (In Wilbur's opinion it was uncharacteristic of the other boy, who screamed masculinity outwards yet went home every day to a dainty cottage with it's adjoining garden).</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur remembered how the two had grown distant after Sally became pregnant. He knew it wasn't on purpose, Sally simply needed his constant care, and Schlatt was moving on to things bigger than his forest cottage, displaying a natural knack for business through his first gig as a door to door salesman.</p><p> </p><p>And after a while, Wilbur heard of Schlatt's departure from their small village to a bigger city. He was sad, but proud of the other for getting himself a better life.</p><p> </p><p>But when the man himself strolled right into the center of L'manberg on a sunny Tuesday afternoon, Wilbur recognized him immediately.</p><p> </p><p>Schlatt's horns had grown to full size, a powerful symbol curved around the sides of his head. He was dressed in a clean blue sweatshirt and his ever present brown boots.</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur laughed, and ran to his old best friend, and the two embraced in a tight hold that Schlatt would later deny ever happening.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>Niki was wary of the newcomer. He was intimidating, and seemed to have sway over Wilbur even after all those years apart. He had an unnamed gleam in his eyes, something akin to greed. But Wilbur trusted the goat man, and Niki trusted Wilbur's judgement.</p><p> </p><p>Quackity liked Schlatt. He was Charismatic, and bold, and his horns were <em> fucking awesome. </em> He was easy to get along with, making humourous jabs that hit just the right spot to make Quackity burst into laughter. He found himself following around Wilbur and Niki and Schlatt the first day he arrived, if only to learn more of the new presence in the country.</p><p> </p><p>Fundy learned about Schlatt's arrival exactly an hour and a half after the occurrence. He was slightly pissed that no one told him immediately- he was the president's <em> son </em> for God's sake- but nonetheless he donned his L'manbergian hat and made his way towards where his father was giving Schlatt a tour of the country. Might as well make a good first impression on the man he hears about in the rare late night stories from his father.</p><p> </p><p>The small group was sitting at the edge of the lake, Niki and Quackity dipping their toes into the water as normal. Wilbur, Fundy noted, smiled brighter than he had in awhile, and it made him glad that his father could have a few hours of bliss during the tiring election. With a small smile, he tapped his father's shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, dad!"</p><p> </p><p>Wilbur turned around, Schlatt's gaze following, and he stood up to hug his son.</p><p> </p><p>"Schlatt, this is Fundy."</p><p> </p><p>Schlatt eyed him for a moment before standing up and shaking his hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Nice to meet you," he said. He had a confused look on his face. "This is your daughter, right? Fauna? Fundy is a cool ass nickname I do have to say."</p><p> </p><p>Fundy felt his hands go numb, and he pulled away, backing up a few steps. He hadn't heard that name in quite a while. Wilbur had a conflicted look painted across his face, as not all of the L'manberg citizens knew that- </p><p> </p><p>That Fundy wasn't a real man, or that he was constantly wearing a piece of clothing to hide his feminine body, or that he wasn't- he-</p><p> </p><p>"Schlatt, this is my <em> son, </em> and his name is <em> Floris </em>."</p><p> </p><p>Fundy had a hard time breathing, the binder not helping. A wave of dysphoria fell on him, and he had to stop himself from physically recoiling. Instead, he ignored the conversation and chose to sit down next to Niki and lean on her. She understood, and didn't say a word. Quackity was confused, but also elected to stay silent.</p><p> </p><p>"Will, I coulda sworn Sally said you two were having a daughter? Speaking of Sally, where-"</p><p> </p><p>"She's dead," Fundy spoke clearly.</p><p> </p><p>"She's fucking dead, and I'm a fucking <em> man </em>."</p><p> </p><p>Niki smiled, giving Fundy a reassuring squeeze on the elbow.</p><p> </p><p>Shortly after, Schlatt mumbled something about having to start work on his house, leaving with no acknowledgement of the previous conversation. Wilbur followed him with an apologetic smile.</p><p> </p><p>The remaining trio stayed sitting by the lake for a while longer, before splitting off to go their own ways.</p><p> </p><p>Fundy returned home, and curled up in his bed. No one had misgendered him in- a long time, and it almost hurt more than it used to.</p><p> </p><p>But the man was Wilbur's best friend, and Fundy couldn't bring himself to ruin his father's short burst of happiness just yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so, so sorry for taking so long to update this. Life has been... difficult lately. I lost a really close family member and my mental health has been all over the place so yeah. But I'm back with this fic! I'm not sure how often I'll update, but I will make myself finish it :)</p><p>comments and Kudos make me super happy!</p><p>Love you guys, stay safe and hydrated &lt;3</p><p>(also find me on tumblr @mellohi-s)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for taking the time to read!<br/>Kudos and comments always make my day :)</p><p>Follow me on tumblr @mellohi-s if you would like to &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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